Category Archives: schemes

Teaching Burton to Fly

My dad has four brothers and sisters, and the five Church siblings procreated like good Protestants: I have two sisters and ten first cousins. Burton was the youngest by three years. We made up a game called Dart Wars in which we broke into two teams and shot one another with Nerf guns. The game […]

Travel Hacking

Yesterday morning, I went down to the basement and brought up four photo albums containing all the pictures that I took during a semester abroad in autumn of 2002. After writing my last post about a miserable ride at Die Prater in Vienna, I couldn’t remember if I had captured the culprit, Extasy, on film. […]

Cultural Differences

The other day, I was waiting in line at Regions. The North Broadway branch in Knoxville always provides a fascinating slice of Knoxville citizenry. To my right, a substantial young woman was standing at a teller window with her toothless grandmother. The grandmother had a handkerchief on her head and stooped over her cane with […]

Guilty Pleasures, not including a Kate Middleton Royal Wedding doll

The other day my wife Megan asked me about guilty pleasures. Though I count each joie de vivre as a precious child and readily own them, several that made me pause, if only for a second: · Vanilla lattes from Starbucks, especially in airports. Please don’t judge me. · Young adult fantasy fiction without vampires. […]

Oh, internet marketers, you love yourselves

Every once in awhile, an internet marketer like Bob will throw off his sheep’s clothing for a moment, whether he means to or not, and reveal the wolf underneath, show those teeth better to eat you with, my dear.

Bet You Couldn't Do It

So I was on a bus, my nose throbbing with its own heartbeat, hoping it didn’t bleed, when I saw why the driver had slammed on the brakes going downhill—uniformed men with guns.

Piercings and Bill Leftfoot

I celebrated my graduation from high school by doing things of which my parents would disapprove. Rebellion is nothing unique to me. We see the light at the end of the tunnel—freedom! No more rules, no more curfew. No more questions about where we’re going, who will be there, or when we’ll be home. No […]

Their Best Life Now

Some of you may like Joel Osteen. This post isn’t intended for you. This post is intended for people who would like to “bless” their friends with a free gift, 30 Thoughts for Victorious Living, video streaming, weekly podcasts, and daily devotionals, compliments of Joel Osteen Ministries. A couple of years ago, I decided that […]

Shame on me

In honor of April Fool’s Day, I’d like to list some of the pranks and mischief that I’ve orchestrated in years past: High School 1) Stealing the ball from Coach Tillman’s mouse so that it wouldn’t work. Once he discovered what was happening, he asked for a backup from Phil Sanders, the IT guy at […]

Secrets for entrepreneurs

Seriously, go make your mama proud.