Oh, internet marketers, you love yourselves

I gave one of my decoy email addresses in exchange for a a prominent internet marketer’s swipe file. This guy has been successful at developing techniques that make selling “information products” online very lucrative. Of course, he has to use these same techniques to sell them to people who will, in turn, use them on other people: a wolf in sheep’s clothing teaching other wolves how to wear the wool.

If I watch long enough, I can see what he’s doing and why he’s doing it. Employing my own observation and intuition is much less expensive than paying for him to hand me his playbook.

Every once in awhile, an internet marketer like Bob will throw off his sheep’s clothing for a moment, whether he means to or not, and reveal the wolf underneath, show those teeth better to eat you with, my dear. He may be selling his trade secrets, but he’s going to make a pretty penny in the process.

The bombastic, self-important writing style of many email marketers can backfire. They are so busy spitting kitschy sales jargon that they fail to realize they are stating the obvious. Take, for example, this excerpt, from an email I received:

Bob here with some cool news!

Check it out:

Contact Magic has been going so extremely well, I’ve decided to give one of
my most requested pieces of content out to anyone who buys it.

So, let me get this straight: you’re going to give your content to anyone who buys it?

Revolutionary! Who are we, befuddled mortals that we are, to deserve this manna from heaven?!!


Bob, your list-building product may work, but when your sales pitch suggests that you’re doing me a favor by taking my money, you’re acting like a pompous jerk. Tell you what, I won’t take out the trash just yet because I know how you’ve been talking about losing weight, so I’m going to give you the opportunity to get a little exercise. How thoughtful of me, I know! I’m too good to you. Really, don’t mention it!

Comments Closed

One Comment