â€œYou look better on Facebook.â€
James T. Trimble was the winner of the 2011 Funny Fortune Cookie Sayings contest.
He happens to be a former roommate and a close friend, but before you accuse me of nepotism, you should know that all of the entries were anonymous, and guest judges chose the winners.
James won a Genuine gu.e Life Hacking Starter Kit, which included the following 7 items of exceeding utility and good taste:
Â· Small Moleskine notebook (5.5â€³x3.5â€³)â€¦ideal for capturing good ideas on the fly, jotting down to do lists, and recording funny snippets of conversation from daft sorority girls
Â· Authentic Pilot G-2 gel roller in Fine Point, Blueâ€¦suitable for penning young adult fantasy fiction novels and endorsing sizable bank drafts from Amazon Kindle book sales
Â· Rough Rider peanut pocket knifeâ€¦perfect for cutting the tag ends of threads off custom-tailored suits, sharpening Ticonderoga pencils, and opening packages of Bentonâ€™s bacon
Â· Roald Dahlâ€™s Danny the Champion of the Worldâ€¦helpful for poaching pheasants, learning how to be a good parent, and reclaiming the sweet innocence of childhood
Â· Olive & Sinclairâ€™s Mexican Style Cinnamon-Chili Chocolate with 67% cacaoâ€¦strategic for romancing, endorphin releases, and tastebud titillation
Â· 1 pound of Bentonâ€™s Hickory Smoked Country Baconâ€¦ideal for unforgettable breakfasts, heart disease, and weight gain.
Â· Bandanna in Royal Blueâ€¦necessary for identifying oneself with my gang, wiping oneâ€™s brow while chopping wood, and making a tourniquet after a backcountry bear attack
When I told James about the prizes, he replied, â€œNah, you can just buy me breakfast.â€
Lesson learned: When running sweepstakes and giveaways, offer a prize that people actually want. Iâ€™m going with an iPad 2 next time.
I still should have shown James this picture to show him what he was passing up. Fine, more bacon for me.
I still owed James breakfast, so I tried to take him to Harryâ€™s, my favorite spot in downtown Knoxville. It is closed on Mondays. We went to Peteâ€™s instead.
Note: If you want to open a breakfast spot in downtown Knoxville, you have to choose a masculine name from the 1950s and make it possessive.
James T. Trimble is Augustâ€™s gu.eber of the month.
Here are some interesting facts:
Â· holds a Masterâ€™s degree in Public Administration. This proves that you can use the word â€œDudeâ€ and not lack intelligence.
Â·Â favorite food: banana pudding.
Â· once went 40 hours without sleep.
Â· He is a late adopter. He recently purchased Macbook, so I was able to forgive him.
Â· Last week, he quit his job at The University of Tennessee, so he is now a full-time musician. Thatâ€™s take guts.
Â· James is the lead singer of The Dirty Guvâ€™nahs. You can actually download their latest album, â€œYouth Is In Our Blood,â€ for FREE on NoiseTrade.
Â· Heâ€™s proud of being in a band for 5 years that has stayed together for five years and begun to see some major successes. Itâ€™s a battle. Itâ€™s a big deal.
Â· The highlight of Jamesâ€™s music career so far? Singing with Levon Helm up in Woodstock, New York, and sell-out shows in Nashville, Atlanta, Birmingham, and New York.
Â· Big plans for the future include a new album coming out in Summer 2012.
Â· His favorite place in the world is Hawaii, particularly, Oahu and Maui. â€œI think itâ€™s my speed,â€ he says.
Â· If he could find anybody across history, he would fight Keanu Reeves.
Â· His guilty pleasures include Justin Timberlake, chocolate milkshakes enjoyed in solitude, and looking at used station wagons on Craigslist.
Â· If he had a $100,000, heâ€™d buy a 1995 Toyota 4Runner, travel for a month in Australia, and save the rest.
My favorite fact about James is that in December of 2008, he asked Megan Ashburn out on a date. The following summer in 2009, James and I were roommates in a big yellow house in the Old North neighborhood. I came home from a housewarming party that Megan and her roommates had organized, and James was sitting on the couch.
â€œI think Iâ€™m going to ask out Megan Ashburn,â€ I declared.
â€œDude, I think thatâ€™s a great ideaâ€ was his reply.
Megan and I got married in November 2010.
James was the last guy to take her out on a day before me.
He did no harm.
James Trimble â€“ The Myth, The Legend, The Guv’nah.