Dear Potential e-Newsletter Subscriber,
I hate spam. You probably do too. I wonâ€™t send you any, and I will never sell your email addressâ€”unless I need a kidney. Then I would.
Once or twice a month, I send out an e-newsletter with writing, pictures, and updates that I donâ€™t post on my blog.
What I donâ€™t do is send you political rants, low-res pictures of mischievous kittens, and get-rich-quick schemes. Though I once composed the perfect chain email, I will never send you a sob story about how a nine-year-old girl in Michigan will die of leukemia unless you forward the message to ten friends. I hate guilt trips, and I have been unable to determine how chain emails fight cancer.
You will never learn from me how to supercharge your sex life with Tibetan herbs. Iâ€™ve never been to Tibet, and the herbs did nothing.
I promise to respect your privacy. If you want to receive a monthly installment of my work, enter your email address below. You can unsubscribe at any time, but if you do, Iâ€™ll probably show up at your house wailing and pulling up the grass.
P.S. After you subscribe, Iâ€™ll send you a fake article entitled â€œTruck Nutz Gets Busted.â€ Itâ€™s inappropriate. Itâ€™s my magnum opus. Iâ€™ve tried to get it on The Onion, but no one is answering my telegrams.