My younger sister had all the pets that I didn’t want. She had a guinea pig named Molly who she dressed up in doll clothes and pushed around in a stroller. If you’ve ever seen Dumb and Dumber with Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels, you’ve heard what you thought was the most annoying sound in […]
I love amphibians. Talk about versatility: they can live in water or on land. Although I wouldn’t normally endorse Kevin Costner movies—excluding Dances with Wolves and Field of Dreams—I should confess that Waterworld is a guilty pleasure of mine, along with every other bad action movie produced since the mid-1980s—excluding Eragon and Troy with Brad […]
Boys are disgusting. I was one of them. I can attest. 1) A Masochistic Preoccupation with Bad Smells My best friend Hunter broke his hand playing basketball in the gym at Brentwood Hills Church of Christ. He was always pulling back the edge of his cast trying to get me to smell it. He would […]
Be careful about making accusations in front of a third grade girl. Ms. Holloway was my third grade teacher. Will Burton swore he saw a pint bottle of Jack Daniels in her desk drawer. Although he may have been making it up to have a good story to tell, alcohol abuse would explain why we […]
Never entrust your sense of humor to people you don’t know. I attended W.P. Scales Elementary from Kindergarten through the Fourth Grade. At the end of every year, each grade invited the parents to the special presentation the grade as a whole had been working on for weeks. One year, we wowed them with a […]
My parents did not spare the rod. I’m not complaining though. As far as I know, I turned out all right. I can’t think of any weird fetishes or phobias. My stayed at home to take care of me and my two sisters while my dad brought home the bacon. They had three kids before […]
The tires made a whizzing sound as they accelerated, and I thought, “Uh-oh,†as her hair turned into a bird’s nest around each black tire.
An unfortunate event occurred one day at Wildwood. Wildwood was our neighborhood swim and tennis club. I took swimming lessons there. I learned how to play tennis and ping-pong. My two sisters and I were pool rats. Unless it was raining or my mom had errands to run, we were there, especially after we got […]
