November 17, 2011 – 11:01 am
I have shared my only two athletic achievements worth mentioning: scoring my first soccer goal in Honduras and winning a croquet game in Oxford, England. I know what you’re thinking: the words “achievement†and “croquet†don’t belong in the same sentence. That I would even think to share these two should help to emphasize the […]
August 23, 2011 – 9:38 am
At the beginning of fifth grade, my first year at David Lipscomb Middle School, I auditioned for the play, Don’t Rock the Boat, and landed a part playing “Antonio from Bamboola.†Antonio is a pirate who commandeers a cruise ship. I wore all black, a fake mustache, and a red sash for a belt. The […]
I follow the bread crumb trail back to the witch’s house where I was afraid and isolated. Back at that place of pain, I discover that the witch is dead. I can see myself splatting on the concrete and laugh. Why? Because it’s funny, and laughter heals wounds.
I came out of those sex ed classes thinking that line drawings of women’s internal architecture looked like something that would grow on the ocean floor, something that looked like a vegetable but was carniverous.
By austinlchurch
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Posted in childhood, comic relief, girls, middle school
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Also tagged Baskin Robbins, boobs, Heart of Darkness, lore, puberty, sex ed classes, sexual development, sexual education, sexual innuendo, The Goonies
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The 6th grade was a bad year for me. I hated middle school in general. Even though I went to a public elementary school, my arrival at a private Christian middle school in the 5th grade signified my miseducation in matters pertaining to sex, girls, profanity, cruelty, ostracism, tribalism, sarcasm, and all the other -isms […]
By austinlchurch
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Posted in animals, childhood, comic relief, middle school, nastiness
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Also tagged betrayal, boogers, caterpillar, Counting Crows, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Island of the Blue Dolphins, kaplowey, Lord of the Flies, middle school, moral decay, Pamela Anderson, Peter Frampton, sixth grade, wild boar, William Golding
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