Category Archives: dislikes

Why I Love My Wife, Part 2

My wife Megan has a gift for “nesting,” and she was the one who introduced me to this term, which I take to mean a knack for making a place inviting and comfortable. At the end of July, we moved into a new house, and within a few days, she had found a place in […]

My Midnight Expressions

For Fourth of July weekend, Megan and I drove up to Lake Erie in Ohio. We stopped for gas in one of those cute, if forgettable, towns with a row of storefronts on each side of the main drag and one traffic light. We laughed at a restaurant called Pizza Explosion. How could that name […]

Do you want me to ignore your email?

Put the word “Meeting” in the Subject line. Or, even better, why don’t you clarify? Instead of “Meeting,” try a more precise word or phrase: “boring,”  “waste of time,” or “mind-numbing recitation of stale information.” Also, if I see “Fwd:” in the Subject line, I delete the email immediately—without opening it. A child in North […]

Masochistic Mascots

Why is it that every barbecue has a smiling, winking, or otherwise jovial pig pushing pork? What’s with these masochistic mascots?

Holiday Email Fowards

Do your family and friends a big favor, and try not to confuse sending this holiday email forward with spreading Christmas cheer

“Expert Travelers”: They too are God's children

One of the few pursuits that I love as much as flyfishing for trout on remote rivers and lakes is traveling. I have visited twenty countries, and I tell you that to establish my credibility. Yet, most people think they are expert travelers. We Americans are experts in everything, and thanks to this mentality, I have the privilege of standing in line and watching people pat their pockets and fumble around in their carryons for their boarding passes and Ids.

Warm Toilet Seats: A Rant

When I slide the bolt in the gas station bathroom door, drop my shorts, lower my backside to the porcelain, and let out a sigh of relief only to feel the residual heat of prior fecal activity, I do not feel kinship with my fellow man. I can’t help but imagine a huge butt completely enveloping the toilet, rolling off either side like a great mass of hairy, veiny biscuit dough.

Mr. Chronic Single says he is picky

You mean to tell me that you cannot find a single attractive woman in a city of roughly 180,000 people, 46,000 of which are women between the ages of 20 and 34, not counting the population growth since the last census in 2000?

IDMOM: A New Disease Affecting Thousands

No advertisement can be better than a bad advertisement. This gem will remove all doubt.

Steven Seagal movies and Bad advertisements

So what you’re telling me is that if I call, then you’ll help me lose my house even faster.