When we were growing up, my two sisters and I weren’t allowed to watch several television shows. Married with Children had bad language and crass humor. The Simpsons was a little too irreverent for my parents’ taste. Friends had all the wrong goodies: promiscuity, children out of wedlock, divorce, profanity, a casual attitude toward pornography, […]
If you ever date more than one girl with blond hair and blue eyes, even several years apart, be sure not to call the one named Brittany Lindsay. Twice. “Who’s Lindsay?†It’s hard to salvage an enjoyable date from the awkward apology and flimsy explanation that follow. Just go ahead and take Brittany or Lindsay […]
I didn’t know that I’d asked Leah to get food on Valentine’s Day. I had no clue. It had been just another Tuesday to me.
Just tell her you’re not interested and watch the pain and embarrassment of rejection register in her eyes. Don’t soften the blow. Don’t put sugar in the vinegar. Tell her the truth, and even though she might hate your guts for awhile, she’ll come to appreciate your courage.
Matthew’s ludicrous claims would have been funnier if he hadn’t been bleeding and holding a lethal weapon, and you might laugh if you weren’t wondering where he is and worrying that he might be your kid’s P.E. teacher.
Let me share some my expertise in getting engaged: don’t hold onto the ring for three months. The anticipation began to feel like wearing an iron football helmet. And if you’re old-fashioned like me and want to ask for her father’s blessing, don’t be thirty minutes late because you chose a Starbucks as the meeting place.
“Bad†is too broad an adjective for gifts, and if you’re going to survive this Christmas, you need to be able to accurately identify the enemy. First on the list is gifts with hidden agendas. You know them because you’ve received them. See if Tony’s story sounds familiar.
When asked by smirking friends why he and Margaret have been spending so much time together, Archie waves away the question like a buzzing mosquito, “Oh, she’s just a friend.†But girls just don’t start marathon text conversations with guys they find unattractive. This is just one of the rules of the universe like gravity and cellulite.
“Scoop” and “Shrimp” don’t belong in the same sentence anymore than “moist” and “creamy.”
