The other day my wife Megan asked me about guilty pleasures. Though I count each joie de vivre as a precious child and readily own them, several that made me pause, if only for a second: · Vanilla lattes from Starbucks, especially in airports. Please don’t judge me. · Young adult fantasy fiction without vampires. […]
Back in early summer of 2006, my friends Ryan and Lisa were getting married in Antigua, Guatemala. We traveled through and around Guatemala City, San Lucas, Panajachel, Lago de Atitlan, and Antigua on a school bus, and we had enough adventurous, brash, and impertinent people in our group to ensure all kinds of hilarity. After […]
Back in 2006 I was teaching English at David Lipscomb High School, and my juniors were spending time in a special circle of purgatory known as “Research.†At eight to ten pages, these papers were the longest that most of them had ever attempted. The smaller assignments and grades leading up to the paper and […]
Few of my athletic achievements are worth mentioning, which I’ve mentioned several times over the past few weeks. My room wasn’t cluttered with trophies, ribbons, and medals. My favorite trophy was one that my dad took home after catching a 210-pound Warsaw grouper during a fishing derby in Florida. I did have a small, unimpressive […]
Certain mistakes you only have to make once. Saying “That didn’t hurt,†to your mom after a spanking. Smoking a cigar on an empty stomach. Forgetting to reapply sunscreen in Key West. Using the word “dramatic†when you’re in an argument with your wife-to-be. Visiting Texas. Just about every guy I know has made the […]
If you’re a star athlete, you won’t win the “Most Tenacious Defender†award. You’ll win MVP, or Highest Goal Percentage, or Most Rebounds. Stats will be your friend because they make you look good. Or perhaps you make the stats look good. I was not a standout athlete. The stats gave me buckteeth. My first […]
Every year on April Fool’s Day, my dad tells a lie. Of course on that particular day of the year, we don’t call them lies. We call them “jokes†or “pranks.†This technicality in nomenclature is supposed to annul the victim’s anger, deflate it like a red balloon. “Can’t you take a joke?†the perpetrator […]
Earlier this week, I wrote about the worst product that I have ever read about: jewelry made from the ashes of people’s dead pets. Though I could concoct a hundred different complaints about this carbuncle of commerce, I promised to limit myself to three. The first complaint outlined my general displeasure with pet pampering. The […]
I have a fascination with bad products. They hold my attention like Steven Segal building a bomb with coconut oil and glass in Under Siege 2. The psychology behind the movies is straightforward: they allow me to indulge a fantasy of physical dominance and control in an increasingly violent, complex, technology-obsessed world. I know who […]
